I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
