he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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