i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
