This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Randomize
