you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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