After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
