dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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