She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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