I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
