FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
