you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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