I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
