My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
