I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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