i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
