I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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