Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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