walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
