he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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