if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
