I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
