break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
