hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
