you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
