I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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