Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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