Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
They took my balls.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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