WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
