Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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