he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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