A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
