My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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