She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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