how hairy? two words: wookie tits
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
