He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
