Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize