Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I look better un-naked...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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