I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
