i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize
