i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
