You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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