wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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