im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize