but the lizard people decide everything anyway
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
