I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
handjob tips. give me some.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
