Princesses don't give blow jobs
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
