so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
