Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
