you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
