I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
