i don't like sucking hair
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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