Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
