Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
