I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
