I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
