that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i wish my penis had a tongue
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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