So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
