do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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