shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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