I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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