i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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