Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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