I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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