is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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