And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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