Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
