Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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