I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
