She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
