She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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