I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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