Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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