sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
