so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We left the knife in your bed.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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